We're going to be okay. Whatever may come we'll face it together. I finally just talked to him. Even though I'm sad about the fact that he believes his life is over until we can find some way to clear all of our debt. I get that, mine is too until we can. So, I have to go back into the field I hate because we need money and that's the easiest way to get it. After that both of us can go back to school, me a little longer than him just because I want to study more things but we'll do it standing side by side. I think even if I find my way back to God we'll be okay because we work. As disfunctional as we are we work.
Odd how one conversation with him quells most of the turmoil inside me. I still think I need to be broken there is no doubt of that but I think he'll be the one to pick up the pieces when it all comes back around.
In a lot of ways this changes nothing. That sounds wrong but it's true, my world is just set upright once again instead of being all tilty. I am still one piece of a soul that I have found two other parts to. I will still cultivate and grow those relationships and simply live the lesson he continually teaches me. Just live, let life take you where your going. Don't worry about the future you might not have one and you are probably worried for nothing. Just live.
That's what he taught me. It's so similar to a message that God gave my father years ago. Just be. I think, for a while at least I've gotten my head back on straight enough to remember what it's like to live that way.
The depression still presides. That's something I need to work through there is no doubt. I'm no longer as shattered as I was though.
Maybe I have been broken to some degree. I was bottling up things and storing them inside until I burst at the seams and just talked with him and he picked me up and put me together again. I'm not whole but the patches will hold for now.
Maybe that's the ending to my previous entry:
Love is picking up the pieces time and again, no matter how many times it takes. Love is working through the crap to find what works. Real true love is standing side by side on equal footing despite the differences of religion, background, and opinions. Love is just seeing what happens.
