"Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Slayer - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for."
-Jenna Boyd as Bailey in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
That quote holds true for me most days. I've struggled lately with what i believe and it's hard to unlearn everything just so you can understand the difference between what you believe and what you've been told/taught was true. i don't believe the way my parents do, not that i don't believe that there is something more then us that there is a life after death it's just that i'm not sure as a friend of mine put it, "how to quantify it." i was raised as the daughter of two pastors whom started out in baptist churches and moved on to non-denominational churches, i still believe parts of the whole that they gave me but there are things that are just not the same in my mind. faith is something everyone has, but not everyone puts they're faith in the same thing or for the same reasons or to the same extent. i'm trying to figure out how my faith "works" right now, and admittedly it's hard. i'm being stretched as never before and it's good and it's bad but it's something we all must work through, we all have to find our own heart and mind at some point in our lives, and some days it's easier than others but that life. that's what i'm learning, how to live and be myself, and not be ashamed of that person so much to hide her away from the world.
"And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"
-from Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
I used to live my life by basically those words, and they're wrong, i have to let people see me so they can know me, no one is going to try to know you without you giving of yourself and trying to know them too. you don't have to tell them all your secrets you just have to be real with them and people will reach out to you and be there when you need to reach out to them. That's something i thought i'd learned i thought i knew how to do that but i only did it with my "mask" on so it didn't go the way i thought it would. i felt that i was supposed to be alone but that was just because i was easier there was no risk, it didn't take as much work. people can't live like that though. people need other people. that is the only fact i can hold true currently and that's enough for now, until i can find myself, my beliefs and all that makes me, me.
